Pain-Free Squats

Tip of the Day:

Number one: Do your squats.

"Why do squats" you ask? Well, for starters, squats stress the very large leg, butt, and back muscles, which in turn stimulates production of a type of growth hormone from the inner reaches of the brain, which, in turn, causes all your muscles to grow somewhat, and at the very least halts general muscle atrophy. As a bonus, the gain in overall muscle size tends to melt fat away, as long as you supplement the workout with some kind of regular aerobic exercise at least 3 times a week for 20 minutes or more. This is also a killer heart workout, so get an okay from your doctor first, although he'll probably try to cover his own ass, and tell you not to do squats at all.

On second thought, skip the doctor visit and just start slow, with a light bar with no weight on it. If you drop dead eventually under a heavy load, and they find you under a barbell, at least it will look good in the paper.

I did develop a hernia, in eighth grade, soon after my first attempt at doing squats as an exercise, but have had no problems since my excellent Philly-area surgeon repaired the damage. You can bet that if there are any weak spots in your legs, butt, abdomen, or spine, this exercise will expose them rapidly, and allow you to get them fixed, so make sure your health insurance is paid up.

Sore knees can be a problem at the start, but don't get discouraged, unless they are accompanied by swelling, or last more than six weeks into the program. Make sure geezers, that you supplement your diet with glucosamine and chondroitin, as we lose these vital joint-health substances from our bodies after 50, at the very least.

The number two reason to do squats is that the weight of the barbell upon your spine stimulates the various bones in your core support system to strengthen and thicken, retarding the process of osteoporosis in old age.

How To:

There are some great squat tutorials at the Ace fitness site, and all over the net. In a nutshell, with the barbell centered on your shoulders at the base of your neck, with the hands supporting each side, from the standing position, lower your body slowly while sticking your butt out, and slightly arching your low back until you achieve a position where the thighs are parallel or slightly above parallel to the ground (horizontal) while keeping the chest as vertical as possible. After one second in the lowest position, stand back up to the starting position. Do 12 to 15 repetitions with as much weight as possible 5 to 8 times a session. When you exceed this number regularly, add about 5 to 10 lbs to the bar.

You could always take the easy way out and do the leg press machine instead, but in my experience this leaves out the whole-body benefits of barbell squats. Plus, I found that the leg press tended to stretch my lower-outer hamstring muscles, to the point where they cramped often when I went jogging or running. No fun.

I know it's tiring, I know it's uncomfortable (at first), but you've got to do squats. Don't be a pussy, please. The country's in enough trouble already. Just be sure to use a towel under the bar, so it doesn't cut into your upper back and neck area. You can also buy a cool invention called the Manta Ray (link-for back squats)
, which snaps onto the standard barbell, to protect your shoulders, no towel required.

I currently have my squat routine up to 275 lbs x 5 sets x 14, without soreness!

In the past, my back had always been sore for a few days after doing squats, with a lot of spasm and trigger points at the rib head areas in the thoracic spine.

Since I do the routine about every 4th day, my back has been pretty much constantly sore. Well, I accidentally discovered a way to prevent the post workout back pain, almost entirely.

What I do is I simply traction my spine just before doing squats (at least 15 minutes or less before the workout). I either get into the lat-pulldown machine, where I put about 250 lbs on the stack, then drop and hook my knees under the knee rest while holding onto the bar. Then, with my back in constant traction, I just rotate from one side to another, and curl my pelvis forward and then backward, with a good back arch. Often I can hear my back "crack", as the facet joints separate slightly, under load.

Alternatively, I just hang from a pullup bar while hooking my feet under a stationary object, and stretching from that position.

Next: Squats Part 2